September 29th, 2010

Rizzo’s Reasoning on Dunn

If Dunn should be so kind as to welcome back the grind of batting 4th behind the sainted Z

He’d refine the slugging art in our batting order’s heart while the Hammer looks the part with his new knee!

But the prospect is for naught if the influential thought is that the balls that aren’t caught by dear old Fred

Dig him such a value crater that all the bombs and all the taters that he hits to the spectators hold no cred.

Rizzo sits upon his hands, lets the players vent and fans chant their uninformed demands into deaf ears

Because the Nationals need more than 3 infielders to keep the score down to a max of 3 or 4 to win next year.

January 12th, 2010

The Lerner Payroll Formula

What is the Nationals player budget? No one knows – until now. My attempt at illumination first appeared on Ben Goessling’s MASNSports blog – (soon to be name the Four-seam Fastblog, I’m sure…).

The Lerner Payroll Formula:
Take the total debt load and divide by gross attendance
Then subtract front office payroll, stamps and paperclip expenses.
Then multiply the difference by Pythagorean wins
(As of May 24th before the bullpen tailspins)
And convert this to yuan at today’s prevailing rate
Then compare to Kansas City’s budget – doesn’t ours look great?

The Shiny Object Clause:
If it’s shiny and expensive, and our fans will eat it up,
Let’s make a phantom budget, bid, then come in runner-up.

January 8th, 2010

Andre Dawson, The World’s First and Only 7-Tool Player

As usual, this piece first appeared as a comment on Nationals Journal. Poster dargregmag (affectionately known as dargramps) wrote, “The “Hawk” was a six tool player what was his sixth tool? the brutha looked good in his uniform.” Too good to pass up – this one’s for you, dargramps.

Andre Dawson, The World’s First And Only 7 Tool Player

Dawson has skill
And looks that kill
But really, 7 tools?
Can you list ’em? I will:
First is Speed, Second is Glove
Third we’ll give that Arm some love
Fourth is Hitting, Fifth he’s a slugger
Sixth: looks good and is a real good hugger
Seventh – now here’s what’s so special about Dawson –
He’s just completely friggin Awesome.